Six Weeks

It has been six weeks since we said goodbye to Isaiah before we even got to say hello.  In some ways it seems like it has gone so quickly, but in so many ways I feel like we've aged a lifetime in these weeks.

Even amidst the clouds and darkness, we are praising God.  He is faithful.  We are starting to have portions of days where the fog is lifted...moments of joy...glimpses of laughter.  The mixture of feelings I have about this is odd.  This is the direction we want to be going, right?  Grieving...healing...living.  But for some reason allowing myself to experience these feelings brings guilt and more grief.   In some ways I don't want to recover.  It is a terrible confession, but sometimes it seems like the pain is the only connection I still have left with Isaiah.

Yet - I will trust the Lord.  I know these beautiful moments are a foreshadowing of the promise that our mourning WILL eventually turn to joy (Isaiah 61:3).  Though there is much healing yet to take place, the seeds are there.  Thank you, Lord.

Still missing you, sweet boy, but know that we are still LIVING - or trying to - with hope.  God had a better plan - and we will struggle to understand it for the rest of our days. 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. 

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9