As I've thought about the blog, I haven't really known where to start. I haven't been sure if I should go back and tell Isaiah's story from the start, or just share my current thoughts. Since I haven't blogged before, I don't have a style or pattern to go by. I also don't want my posts to solely be about our loss (though they may focus on that for a while). As I've contemplated how to begin, the days have been passing by and many things have been on my mind and heart to share....so I've decided that I will just start with today and go back and tell Isaiah's story as I can.
Today is a special day. April 26, 2012 - the date we marked on the calendar and looked forward to...the date I initially was hoping not to get to because we were pretty sure he was due sooner.
Today is Isaiah's due date.
I would pretty much do anything to be miserably pregnant and still feeling his life within me, but never was he to be due to enter life outside of the womb here on this earth.
Today would also have been the 100th birthday of Matt's Great Grandma Edna Hofer (if she were still with us). Oh how I hope she is celebrating with you today, Isaiah. She tells great stories and has been around the world visiting missionaries - and she loved your family very much. I am so grateful to know that so many of our family members are in heaven - loving you and knowing you like we wish we could.
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for us today (and every day). Today brought new waves of sadness and bitter disappointment for what I wanted life to be right now, but it also brought reminders of hope in many forms. Our Lord is so very faithful. Though I expect to find myself in complete desperation (and sometimes have those feelings), Jesus has kept his steadying hand on me -- keeping me from falling so far into the pit of utter despair that his love or hope or promises would be invisible. Thankfully I can see glimpses of all of those things (though the view is sometimes cloudy). Even though life is stormy and so very sad right now, the depths of my soul knows that I am being held by my Lord. Thank you for your prayers. I am certain that I would not be in the same place without them. You have blessed my life. Thank you.
There are so many things I want to share, but they will have to wait for another post. I'll end with a quote that I read today that verbalized one of my biggest fears about Isaiah...
...I just don't want anyone to forget him.
"When a baby is born, it's a mother's instinct to protect the baby. When a baby dies, it's the mother's instinct to protect their memory." ~Author Unknown
Today we remember you, little Isaiah - and we miss you.